Writing exercises: two poems and a short story
First of all, welcome to my annual blog post! I wish I wrote more, but alas! Not much in my life has changed except that my sister and I moved into a house. A few mishaps along the way. Oh well.
So, for this, I wanted to share writings that I doubt will ever be traditionally published. Mainly because they are more exercises than pieces. However, they are complete. They are in their definite form (until I edit them again).
I believe that they're all interconnected in the sense that all three pieces attempt a "deconstruction" of certain religious and philosophical ideas and literary forms, but with the hope and thrust of a reconstruction - the pieces themselves have those intentions and not the reader. In that way, I hope that they point to the fact that all things rest upon an Other.
The first one, A Bride of Christ, is a poem trying to articulate the importance of the Incarnation in light of sexuality. Sexuality, traditionally two opposing poles tied to physical sex and gender association (male & female, active & passive, etc.) is seen in the poem as a whole with two interlacing, interlocking, interconnecting, aspects referring to physical sex and gender association. There is neither male nor female anymore. Only the androgynous perfected Adam.
The second, Bible Experiment 1, is a collage poem of individual verses from every book of the bible (including the deutrocannon) selected by my hand and God's hand (I prayed " Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner") by opening the biblical book and placing my finger on a verse. I also prayed during the formation of the poem, once again allowing the spirit to guide my copy&paste. In this way, this poem is not only a human appropriation of "God's Word", rather it's a "God breathed" recontextualization.
Finally, The White Lily, "A Short Story", is a (poorly written, but hopefully rich-filled) metamodern attempt at articulating the timelessness of eternal events. This is my first attempt at story in over a decade. It messes with time and makes a river into a sacred space that transcends times.
I'll also post them in their own posts to make it easier to load and read.
Bible Experiment 1
Jesus answered him,
I performed one work,
and all of you are astonished.
Listen carefully to my words,
and let my declaration be in your
ears:
The first woe has passed.
There are two woes to come.
The prayers of David son of Jesse are ended.
And the sun stood still, and the
moon stopped,
until the nation took vengeance
on their enemies.
When the swineherds saw what had happened,
they ran off and told it in the city and in the country.
Your warriors shall be shattered,
O Teman,
so that everyone from Mount Esau
will be cut off.
the circumference of the city shall be eighteen thousand cubits.
And the name of the city from that time on shall be,
The LORD is There.
Likewise, tell the older women to be reverent in behavior
not to be slanderers or slaves to drink
they are to teach what is good
As you therefore have received Christ Jesus the Lord
continue to live your lives in him –
who, though he was in
the form of God,
did not regard
equality with God
as something to be exploited.
All the prophets testify
about him
that everyone who believes
in him
receives forgiveness of sins through his name -
in everything do to others as you would have them do to you;
for this the law and the prophets.
They shall be mine,
says the LORD of hosts,
my special possession on the day when I act,
and I will spare them as parents spare their children who serve them.
The LORD said to Moses,
Cut two tablets of stone like the former ones,
and I will write on the tablets the words that were on the former tablets,
which you broke. And anything upon which any of them falls
when they are dead shall be unclean, whether
an article of wood
or cloth
or skin
or sacking,
any article that is used for any purpose;
it shall be dipped into water, and it shall be unclean until the evening,
and then it shall be clean.
The White Lily, "A Short Story"
1
Please don’t skip this part. It is the most important section of the story – in fact, it’s what creates the story as a contemporary (Post-contemporary?) story. This, as far as I can tell pre-editing, will be the only collection of words throughout to be self-referential out loud. Meaning, that this work acknowledges itself to be fiction. But it hopes to leave that fictive realm and dwell in the your (the reader’s) world, making an impact that perhaps transcends your world into the outer world. I know that this a monumental task (but so was the decision of Judas to betray his leader). Don’t let this section stop you from reading the following narrative. But, also don’t let it coerce you either (Grace is a gift of love, not a forfeiture of hate). Just let this section be as it is, an ironic detachment from something I hope attaches itself to you.
My original plans for this section were to include all the minute ways that I, as the author of the text, could understand the story in light of the Eucharist as expounded in Christian tradition. But, with the death of the author, and the cataclysm of the story beginning with a death, I decided instead to leave room for the reader to play and toy with the text. Now, don’t get me wrong. I hope that the performance below certainly compels you in a certain way (like I said above), but as a confessional faith inasmuch as it’s a response by you, the reader, to assent (and ascent) to things saturated beyond your own assumptions and base beliefs. It’s a call, like that of Jacob, to become the descendant of God’s people – only wrestling with him and then “giving up” (like God “giving up” his holy spirit).
Now, this might be too religious for some. And that’s okay. That’s the whole point of this section: to lay down my intentions at the foot of the reader and agree that all I can do is point to things that defy common ideas of knowledge in the rationalistic sense of the term.
Care to join me, and the whole host of readers, in embarking the tale of God’s straw?
2
I began my real adult life when my younger brother crossed the threshold between Life and Death – literally, entering a store similar to Hot Topic, but only shopped at by those weird ironic people that call themselves “the Mementos”, based on the phrase “memento mori” – remember your death. I say ironic because they don’t live their life as if death had any final say, instead, as the middle schoolers used to say: YOLO.
The day he first entered that store was also his last. Later that day, he died to unknown causes at a football practice. When I heard the news, I grabbed my keys and sped to the hospital – getting pulled over and getting an escort there. Now, there were many tears and a chaplain came and explained that God “has a plan” and that he works “mysteriously” through all things. Bull shit. Then, and now.
Like a magician who reveals her secrets, so this chaplain revealed God’s. Even if the trick is shown step-by-step, the aweness is still there in the whole performance. We’re still made fools, and a fool is one who doesn’t believe in God.
I looked her in the eyes when she told me that and nodded once. Maybe, twice. But the fact of the matter is, it didn’t help. I decided to get up and take a walk down the hallway.
“How you doin?”
“Great, thanks!” Y’know, considering my brother just died and his body was laid open for examination. Examination that included tools cutting open his body, pulling out his intestines and turning him inside out. Wow, the physical manifestation of everything I felt.
After I had left the hospital, I was walking down the street full of odors that ordered my nose around from one bakery to the next. The scent of blueberries brought a sense of peace found only the memories of my childhood. And I recalled one specific memory of this river we called God’s Straw.
God’s Straw is one of the few rivers (really a stream) that flows north. As a child, I held maps that showed north was up compared to the words describing all the various places. And so, with the logic of a friend, “If North is up, and God lives up above our heads, then the river is a straw for God to drink the water”. Now that leaves to the imagination what all rivers flowing south are.
This river was home to many stories based on its unique properties (the other being its vivid clarity and almost sunlike presence in the night). It’s been thought of as the river Styx, which means we’re the living dead – seemingly quite true and the normal way of things. But, also it’s been categorized as the river flowing with Water of Life, which means we’re the dying alive - seemingly quite true and the normal way of things.
In this memory, blueberries were the cream of the crop. My brother and I were sent out to pick them along the river with our friend Mary. My brother, close in age to her, had a massive crush on her. This had caused him to try and impress her with whatever means possible, including one-upping his older sibling in berry-pickin skills.
Watch this!” He had darted from bush to bush grabbing handfuls of blueberries. The juices had run down his wrists and arms like blood.
“James, you’re squeezing them too hard!” Mary had said while chasing after him with a napkin, seemingly pulled out of nowhere.
“What?” had echoed throughout the bushes, contra the normal ways of scientific understanding. He hadn’t known that Mary would much prefer quality over quantity – a lesson he later learned when he walked in on her touching another boy from school.
“You’re destroying the berries, idiot! You have to be careful, otherwise your mom can’t bake the pie!”
I had walked over there as if paint were drying, with no interest nor speed.
After we had picked the berries, we decided to take the long way home that included walking through the forest alongside God’s Straw.
“We have to do it with Mary!” my brother had interjected himself into my thoughts.
“Hmm?”
“The thing we started! Were we become superheroes!”
My brother and I had created a game at God’s Straw were we’d spit into the water, hoping that God would suck it up, thereby making part of us go inside God and become part of him, thus we’d be part God. The thing is –
“Wait, what?!” Mary had interjected herself into my mind now.
“We spit like this,” my brother had spat into his hand. “And we shake hands, say ‘God make us like you’ and then rub them into the dirt underneath the water in the river.”
“Eww!”
Quite.
“Fine.” With a fake, but deeply true smile and sing-song voice, I had called upon the Big Man upstairs and shook their hands.
“God make us like you!”
“God make us like you!”
“God make us like you!”
We had done it! The transformation had begun – we were to be gods amongst men. The living dwelling with the dying. The just in the face of the unjust.
“What’s that?” Mary had pointed to something coming upstream. A white lily.
“The White lily” James had replied.
“What?” My head twisted in confusion. That’d been a new addition to this ritual.
“It’s the sign sent from God. With it comes the knowledge we are born from him and will become like him.” He had been making this up on the spot.
“I want it!” Mary had reached to grab it, but my brother had gotten in front of her and used his relatively small body to stop her from grabbing it.
“No, only that one can have it.” He had pointed to me and reached down, still body-checking Mary, and handed it to me.
“Thanks, James.” Hadn’t I been so confused in the moment, both by his story and him giving me the white lily, I would’ve realized that our actions had worked upon him. That, in that moment of giving, he had become a god.
This memory is the first one that popped in my head. Could it have been because I smelt the muffins? Could it have been because I witnessed my brother lying cold in the hospital? Or could it have been because my hands felt the presence of the lily still present in my wallet? Truthfully, to this day, I don’t know which experience triggered my memory to be released from the chains of forgetfulness found in the cave of my mind.
I continued walking down the street, taking a left at the community garden to cut through yards to go back to the river. I wanted to give this sign back to God because I no longer needed it. I saw were it leads – to death like every other object we come across. This white lily no longer embodied the water of life, it represented the abyss of the deepest ocean.
However, as I traversed and crossed from garden to forest, I came to the conclusion that releasing it would do nothing. As a reminder of my brother and the gifts he had given me, it mattered. In the scheme of its existence, however, I didn’t. Therefore, to release it is to allow it to continue its life uninhabited by mine. And, in that moment, I wanted control over something.
I took a step toward the edge of the river and spat. “Drink that and become me, God.”
I heard a noise from upstream and looked to my right. A man, kayaking alone, whistled a tune that I’ve never heard before.
“What’s that,” I yelled, hoping he’d hear me.
“It is what it is, my boy.” The man smiled and continued his way.
3
I grab hold of you and we run to God’s Straw.
I just hope that this works.
“I used to come here with my brother, and his pseudo-girlfriend much more than I’ve ever let on. And, that white lily he gave me, I brought here today.”
“You are a version of that white lily, a sign that pulls me in and above. Your beauty ever presently transforming me, challenging me to see it in everything else. All I see, everywhere, is your smile interlaced with the pure white of this lily.” I hand it to you.
“No matter what happens, between the pureness of the original sign announced by that flower, or the ugliness that it turned into the day my brother passed, I will long to strive for you and will always love you.” I get down on one knee.
“This river, a timeless one that flows north and shines in the darkness, connects me to him, and now to you. In the past, in the present, in the future. That white lily held in your hand alone is what proves it to me. That lily, now a sign of my life reborn with you.”
I pull a ring from my pocket.
“Will you marry me?”
You nod and we embrace. You hand the white lily back to me and I toss it back into the river. Our lips meet at the same time it ripples.
The white lily, ever going to my brother through God’s straw.
So, for this, I wanted to share writings that I doubt will ever be traditionally published. Mainly because they are more exercises than pieces. However, they are complete. They are in their definite form (until I edit them again).
I believe that they're all interconnected in the sense that all three pieces attempt a "deconstruction" of certain religious and philosophical ideas and literary forms, but with the hope and thrust of a reconstruction - the pieces themselves have those intentions and not the reader. In that way, I hope that they point to the fact that all things rest upon an Other.
The first one, A Bride of Christ, is a poem trying to articulate the importance of the Incarnation in light of sexuality. Sexuality, traditionally two opposing poles tied to physical sex and gender association (male & female, active & passive, etc.) is seen in the poem as a whole with two interlacing, interlocking, interconnecting, aspects referring to physical sex and gender association. There is neither male nor female anymore. Only the androgynous perfected Adam.
The second, Bible Experiment 1, is a collage poem of individual verses from every book of the bible (including the deutrocannon) selected by my hand and God's hand (I prayed " Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner") by opening the biblical book and placing my finger on a verse. I also prayed during the formation of the poem, once again allowing the spirit to guide my copy&paste. In this way, this poem is not only a human appropriation of "God's Word", rather it's a "God breathed" recontextualization.
Finally, The White Lily, "A Short Story", is a (poorly written, but hopefully rich-filled) metamodern attempt at articulating the timelessness of eternal events. This is my first attempt at story in over a decade. It messes with time and makes a river into a sacred space that transcends times.
I'll also post them in their own posts to make it easier to load and read.
 |
| The Wedding Feast at Cana |
A Bride of Christ
I – a biological male
a sociological man
a societal reminder of the past
-
a sociological man
a societal reminder of the past
-
am a bride of Christ.
I’m traditionally feminine –
waiting for the seed of life
to birth within me a kingdom come
to birth within me a kingdom come
cleaning house
veiling the secrets
for the man coming in the night
veiling the secrets
for the man coming in the night
I’m traditionally masculine –
forming these words into lines
on a screen, typing, declaring myself
as a force of active participation
on a screen, typing, declaring myself
as a force of active participation
fully filled to the brim
the living water poured into me
is dripping out of my fingers
touching a keyboard
like God touching Adam
like the Virgin Rose blooming
the living water poured into me
is dripping out of my fingers
touching a keyboard
like God touching Adam
like the Virgin Rose blooming
this image of myself -
fully mythologized (the truth lives through myth)
fully scientific (and these facts are deeply embedded into my head)
-
fully mythologized (the truth lives through myth)
fully scientific (and these facts are deeply embedded into my head)
-
made icon in the manifestation
the manifold nature of nature
unified in the unity
of an attestation of
a groom jumping the broom
from one level of existence
to another (man to the heights
God to the depths)
I am a bride of Christ.the manifold nature of nature
unified in the unity
of an attestation of
a groom jumping the broom
from one level of existence
to another (man to the heights
God to the depths)
 |
| Holy Holy Holy |
Bible Experiment 1
But just as we have the same spirit of faith that is in accordance with scripture
– “I believed, and so I spoke” – we also believe, and so we speak
for it is sanctified by God’s word and prayer.
– “I believed, and so I spoke” – we also believe, and so we speak
for it is sanctified by God’s word and prayer.
I.
But this I call to mind,
and therefore I have hope:
and therefore I have hope:
and a man found him wandering in the fields;
the man asked him,
What are you seeking?
the man asked him,
What are you seeking?
Jesus answered him,
I performed one work,
and all of you are astonished.
Listen carefully to my words,
and let my declaration be in your
ears:
Make haste, my beloved,
and be like a gazelle
or a young stag
upon the mountains of spices!
and be like a gazelle
or a young stag
upon the mountains of spices!
II.
In the reign of Ahasuerus, in his accession year, they wrote an accusation against the inhabitants of Judah and Jerusalem (Accordingly, at this time certain Chaldeans came forward and denounced the Jews):
Paul, a prisoner of Christ Jesus, and Timothy our brother,
Obed of Jesse, and Jesse of David,
Hurai of the wadis of Gaash, Abiel the Arbathite,
Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ:
Obed of Jesse, and Jesse of David,
Hurai of the wadis of Gaash, Abiel the Arbathite,
Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ:
O God of my ancestors and Lord of mercy,
who have made all things by your word,
In little more than a year
you will shudder,
(you complacent
ones)
for the vintage will fail,
the fruit harvest will not come -
I love those who love me,
and those who seek me diligently
find me –
who have made all things by your word,
In little more than a year
you will shudder,
(you complacent
ones)
for the vintage will fail,
the fruit harvest will not come -
I love those who love me,
and those who seek me diligently
find me –
(If they go astray
she will forsake them,
and hand them over to their ruin.
she will forsake them,
and hand them over to their ruin.
Then I said to them:
you see the trouble we are in,
how Jerusalem lies in ruins with its gates burnt.
Come let us rebuild the wall of Jerusalem,
so that we may no longer suffer disgrace.
you see the trouble we are in,
how Jerusalem lies in ruins with its gates burnt.
Come let us rebuild the wall of Jerusalem,
so that we may no longer suffer disgrace.
This advice pleased the king and the officials,
and the king did as Memucan purposed.)
and the king did as Memucan purposed.)
Now when the king was settled in his house,
and the LORD had
given him rest from all his enemies around him,
Saul said,
May you be blessed by the LORD
for showing me compassion!
and the LORD had
given him rest from all his enemies around him,
Saul said,
May you be blessed by the LORD
for showing me compassion!
III.
An oracle concerning Nineveh.
The book of the vision of Nahum of Elkosh:
The book of the vision of Nahum of Elkosh:
For just as someone’s dish is
useless
when it is
broken,
Fools fold their hands and
consume
their own flesh
useless
when it is
broken,
Fools fold their hands and
consume
their own flesh
whereas angels
though greater in might and power
do not bring against them a slanderous judgement from the Lord.
though greater in might and power
do not bring against them a slanderous judgement from the Lord.
For this is the reason
the gospel
was proclaimed even to the dead,
so that, though they had been
judged in the flesh
as everyone is judged,
they might
live in
the spirit as God does.
the gospel
was proclaimed even to the dead,
so that, though they had been
judged in the flesh
as everyone is judged,
they might
live in
the spirit as God does.
Hear this,
O priests!
Give heed,
O house of Israel!
Listen,
O house of the king!
For the
judgement pertains
to you;
for you have been a snare at Mizpah,
and a net spread upon Tabar:
And on that day I will seek to
destroy
all the nations that come against Jerusalem.
O priests!
Give heed,
O house of Israel!
Listen,
O house of the king!
For the
judgement pertains
to you;
for you have been a snare at Mizpah,
and a net spread upon Tabar:
And on that day I will seek to
destroy
all the nations that come against Jerusalem.
The first woe has passed.
There are two woes to come.
The prayers of David son of Jesse are ended.
IV.
When Ahab
saw Elijah,
Ahab
said to him,
Is it you,
you troubler of Israel?
saw Elijah,
Ahab
said to him,
Is it you,
you troubler of Israel?
For I
was afraid that the anger that the LORD
bore against you
was so fierce that he
would destroy you.
But the LORD
listened to me that time also.
was afraid that the anger that the LORD
bore against you
was so fierce that he
would destroy you.
But the LORD
listened to me that time also.
V.
Six hundred men of the Danite clan, armed with weapons of war, set out from Zorah and Eshtaol:
And the sun stood still, and the
moon stopped,
until the nation took vengeance
on their enemies.
For if the blood of goats and bulls,
with the sprinkling of ashes of a heifer,
sanctifies those who have been defiled so that their flesh is purified,
we know that we are God’s children,
and that the whole world lies under the power of the evil one.
with the sprinkling of ashes of a heifer,
sanctifies those who have been defiled so that their flesh is purified,
we know that we are God’s children,
and that the whole world lies under the power of the evil one.
You will show faithfulness to Jacob
and unswerving loyalty to Abraham,
as you have sworn to our ancestors
from the days of old.
and unswerving loyalty to Abraham,
as you have sworn to our ancestors
from the days of old.
Ah, you that turn justice to
wormwood,
and bring righteousness to
the ground!
wormwood,
and bring righteousness to
the ground!
Now the Gentiles in Gilead gathered together against the Israelites who lived in their territory
and planned to destroy them.
But they fled to the stronghold of Dathema.
At the command of the leader
they set out from there immediately and
engaged them in battle at a village called Dessau -
They decided that everyone who had not obeyed his command
should be destroyed.
and planned to destroy them.
But they fled to the stronghold of Dathema.
At the command of the leader
they set out from there immediately and
engaged them in battle at a village called Dessau -
They decided that everyone who had not obeyed his command
should be destroyed.
I struck you and the products of your toil with blight and mildew and hail;
yet you did not return to me, says the LORD.
yet you did not return to me, says the LORD.
When the swineherds saw what had happened,
they ran off and told it in the city and in the country.
If you return, O Israel,
says the LORD,
if you remove your abominations
from my presence,
and do not waver,
says the LORD,
if you remove your abominations
from my presence,
and do not waver,
Your warriors shall be shattered,
O Teman,
so that everyone from Mount Esau
will be cut off.
the circumference of the city shall be eighteen thousand cubits.
And the name of the city from that time on shall be,
The LORD is There.
VI.
Yes,
he replied,
I have been there many times;
I am acquainted with it and know all the roads.
I have often travelled to Media
and stayed with our kinsman Gabael who lives in Rages of Media.
It is journey of two days from Ecbatana to Rages;
for it lies in a mountainous area, while Ecbatana is in the middle of the plain.
I will come down and talk with you there
and I will take some of the spirit that is on you and put it on them
and they shall bear the burden of the people along with you so that you will not bear it all by yourself.
he replied,
I have been there many times;
I am acquainted with it and know all the roads.
I have often travelled to Media
and stayed with our kinsman Gabael who lives in Rages of Media.
It is journey of two days from Ecbatana to Rages;
for it lies in a mountainous area, while Ecbatana is in the middle of the plain.
I will come down and talk with you there
and I will take some of the spirit that is on you and put it on them
and they shall bear the burden of the people along with you so that you will not bear it all by yourself.
From now on, let no one make trouble for me;
for I carry the marks of Jesus branded on my body -
for this perishable body must put on imperishability,
and this mortal body must put on immortality.
for I carry the marks of Jesus branded on my body -
for this perishable body must put on imperishability,
and this mortal body must put on immortality.
What then? Are we any better off?
No, not at all!
For we have already charged that all,
both Jews and Greeks,
are under the power of sin -
but each of us was given grace according to the measure of Christ’s gift.
No, not at all!
For we have already charged that all,
both Jews and Greeks,
are under the power of sin -
but each of us was given grace according to the measure of Christ’s gift.
Likewise, tell the older women to be reverent in behavior
not to be slanderers or slaves to drink
they are to teach what is good
Beloved, do not imitate what is evil but imitate what is good.
Whoever does good is from God;
whoever does evil has not seen God.
Whoever does good is from God;
whoever does evil has not seen God.
Now the rest of
the acts of Hezekiah,
and his good deeds
are written in the vision of the prophet Isaiah
son of Amoz
in the
Book of the Kings
of Judah and Israel.
the acts of Hezekiah,
and his good deeds
are written in the vision of the prophet Isaiah
son of Amoz
in the
Book of the Kings
of Judah and Israel.
VII.
Anyone, then, who knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, commits sin:
to aspire to live quietly,
to mind our own affairs,
and to work with your hands,
as we directed you;
have nothing to do with stupid and senseless controversies, you know that they breed quarrels.
to aspire to live quietly,
to mind our own affairs,
and to work with your hands,
as we directed you;
have nothing to do with stupid and senseless controversies, you know that they breed quarrels.
As you therefore have received Christ Jesus the Lord
continue to live your lives in him –
who, though he was in
the form of God,
did not regard
equality with God
as something to be exploited.
All the prophets testify
about him
that everyone who believes
in him
receives forgiveness of sins through his name -
in everything do to others as you would have them do to you;
for this the law and the prophets.
They shall be mine,
says the LORD of hosts,
my special possession on the day when I act,
and I will spare them as parents spare their children who serve them.
The LORD said to Moses,
Cut two tablets of stone like the former ones,
and I will write on the tablets the words that were on the former tablets,
which you broke. And anything upon which any of them falls
when they are dead shall be unclean, whether
an article of wood
or cloth
or skin
or sacking,
any article that is used for any purpose;
it shall be dipped into water, and it shall be unclean until the evening,
and then it shall be clean.
But God said to Jonah,
Is it right for you to be angry about the bush?
And he said, Yes, angry enough to die -
He did what was evil in the sight of the LORD;
he did not turn away from the sins of Jeroboam son of Nebat, which he caused Israel to sin.
Yet even now, says the LORD,
return to me with all your heart,
with fasting,
with weeping,
and with mourning
On that day it shall be said to Jerusalem:
Do not fear, O Zion:
do not let your hands grow weak.
But the earth will be filled
with the knowledge of the glory of the LORD,
as the waters cover the sea.
Is it right for you to be angry about the bush?
And he said, Yes, angry enough to die -
He did what was evil in the sight of the LORD;
he did not turn away from the sins of Jeroboam son of Nebat, which he caused Israel to sin.
Yet even now, says the LORD,
return to me with all your heart,
with fasting,
with weeping,
and with mourning
On that day it shall be said to Jerusalem:
Do not fear, O Zion:
do not let your hands grow weak.
But the earth will be filled
with the knowledge of the glory of the LORD,
as the waters cover the sea.
And this is love:
that we walk according to his commandments;
this is the commandment
just as you have heard it
from the beginning
– you must walk in it
to the only God our Savior,
through Jesus Christ our Lord,
be glory,
majesty,
power and authority,
before all time and now and for ever.
Amen.
that we walk according to his commandments;
this is the commandment
just as you have heard it
from the beginning
– you must walk in it
to the only God our Savior,
through Jesus Christ our Lord,
be glory,
majesty,
power and authority,
before all time and now and for ever.
Amen.
 |
| Madonna Lily |
The White Lily, "A Short Story"
1
Please don’t skip this part. It is the most important section of the story – in fact, it’s what creates the story as a contemporary (Post-contemporary?) story. This, as far as I can tell pre-editing, will be the only collection of words throughout to be self-referential out loud. Meaning, that this work acknowledges itself to be fiction. But it hopes to leave that fictive realm and dwell in the your (the reader’s) world, making an impact that perhaps transcends your world into the outer world. I know that this a monumental task (but so was the decision of Judas to betray his leader). Don’t let this section stop you from reading the following narrative. But, also don’t let it coerce you either (Grace is a gift of love, not a forfeiture of hate). Just let this section be as it is, an ironic detachment from something I hope attaches itself to you.
My original plans for this section were to include all the minute ways that I, as the author of the text, could understand the story in light of the Eucharist as expounded in Christian tradition. But, with the death of the author, and the cataclysm of the story beginning with a death, I decided instead to leave room for the reader to play and toy with the text. Now, don’t get me wrong. I hope that the performance below certainly compels you in a certain way (like I said above), but as a confessional faith inasmuch as it’s a response by you, the reader, to assent (and ascent) to things saturated beyond your own assumptions and base beliefs. It’s a call, like that of Jacob, to become the descendant of God’s people – only wrestling with him and then “giving up” (like God “giving up” his holy spirit).
Now, this might be too religious for some. And that’s okay. That’s the whole point of this section: to lay down my intentions at the foot of the reader and agree that all I can do is point to things that defy common ideas of knowledge in the rationalistic sense of the term.
Care to join me, and the whole host of readers, in embarking the tale of God’s straw?
2
I began my real adult life when my younger brother crossed the threshold between Life and Death – literally, entering a store similar to Hot Topic, but only shopped at by those weird ironic people that call themselves “the Mementos”, based on the phrase “memento mori” – remember your death. I say ironic because they don’t live their life as if death had any final say, instead, as the middle schoolers used to say: YOLO.
The day he first entered that store was also his last. Later that day, he died to unknown causes at a football practice. When I heard the news, I grabbed my keys and sped to the hospital – getting pulled over and getting an escort there. Now, there were many tears and a chaplain came and explained that God “has a plan” and that he works “mysteriously” through all things. Bull shit. Then, and now.
Like a magician who reveals her secrets, so this chaplain revealed God’s. Even if the trick is shown step-by-step, the aweness is still there in the whole performance. We’re still made fools, and a fool is one who doesn’t believe in God.
I looked her in the eyes when she told me that and nodded once. Maybe, twice. But the fact of the matter is, it didn’t help. I decided to get up and take a walk down the hallway.
“How you doin?”
“Great, thanks!” Y’know, considering my brother just died and his body was laid open for examination. Examination that included tools cutting open his body, pulling out his intestines and turning him inside out. Wow, the physical manifestation of everything I felt.
After I had left the hospital, I was walking down the street full of odors that ordered my nose around from one bakery to the next. The scent of blueberries brought a sense of peace found only the memories of my childhood. And I recalled one specific memory of this river we called God’s Straw.
God’s Straw is one of the few rivers (really a stream) that flows north. As a child, I held maps that showed north was up compared to the words describing all the various places. And so, with the logic of a friend, “If North is up, and God lives up above our heads, then the river is a straw for God to drink the water”. Now that leaves to the imagination what all rivers flowing south are.
This river was home to many stories based on its unique properties (the other being its vivid clarity and almost sunlike presence in the night). It’s been thought of as the river Styx, which means we’re the living dead – seemingly quite true and the normal way of things. But, also it’s been categorized as the river flowing with Water of Life, which means we’re the dying alive - seemingly quite true and the normal way of things.
In this memory, blueberries were the cream of the crop. My brother and I were sent out to pick them along the river with our friend Mary. My brother, close in age to her, had a massive crush on her. This had caused him to try and impress her with whatever means possible, including one-upping his older sibling in berry-pickin skills.
Watch this!” He had darted from bush to bush grabbing handfuls of blueberries. The juices had run down his wrists and arms like blood.
“James, you’re squeezing them too hard!” Mary had said while chasing after him with a napkin, seemingly pulled out of nowhere.
“What?” had echoed throughout the bushes, contra the normal ways of scientific understanding. He hadn’t known that Mary would much prefer quality over quantity – a lesson he later learned when he walked in on her touching another boy from school.
“You’re destroying the berries, idiot! You have to be careful, otherwise your mom can’t bake the pie!”
I had walked over there as if paint were drying, with no interest nor speed.
After we had picked the berries, we decided to take the long way home that included walking through the forest alongside God’s Straw.
“We have to do it with Mary!” my brother had interjected himself into my thoughts.
“Hmm?”
“The thing we started! Were we become superheroes!”
My brother and I had created a game at God’s Straw were we’d spit into the water, hoping that God would suck it up, thereby making part of us go inside God and become part of him, thus we’d be part God. The thing is –
“Wait, what?!” Mary had interjected herself into my mind now.
“We spit like this,” my brother had spat into his hand. “And we shake hands, say ‘God make us like you’ and then rub them into the dirt underneath the water in the river.”
“Eww!”
Quite.
“Fine.” With a fake, but deeply true smile and sing-song voice, I had called upon the Big Man upstairs and shook their hands.
“God make us like you!”
“God make us like you!”
“God make us like you!”
We had done it! The transformation had begun – we were to be gods amongst men. The living dwelling with the dying. The just in the face of the unjust.
“What’s that?” Mary had pointed to something coming upstream. A white lily.
“The White lily” James had replied.
“What?” My head twisted in confusion. That’d been a new addition to this ritual.
“It’s the sign sent from God. With it comes the knowledge we are born from him and will become like him.” He had been making this up on the spot.
“I want it!” Mary had reached to grab it, but my brother had gotten in front of her and used his relatively small body to stop her from grabbing it.
“No, only that one can have it.” He had pointed to me and reached down, still body-checking Mary, and handed it to me.
“Thanks, James.” Hadn’t I been so confused in the moment, both by his story and him giving me the white lily, I would’ve realized that our actions had worked upon him. That, in that moment of giving, he had become a god.
This memory is the first one that popped in my head. Could it have been because I smelt the muffins? Could it have been because I witnessed my brother lying cold in the hospital? Or could it have been because my hands felt the presence of the lily still present in my wallet? Truthfully, to this day, I don’t know which experience triggered my memory to be released from the chains of forgetfulness found in the cave of my mind.
I continued walking down the street, taking a left at the community garden to cut through yards to go back to the river. I wanted to give this sign back to God because I no longer needed it. I saw were it leads – to death like every other object we come across. This white lily no longer embodied the water of life, it represented the abyss of the deepest ocean.
However, as I traversed and crossed from garden to forest, I came to the conclusion that releasing it would do nothing. As a reminder of my brother and the gifts he had given me, it mattered. In the scheme of its existence, however, I didn’t. Therefore, to release it is to allow it to continue its life uninhabited by mine. And, in that moment, I wanted control over something.
I took a step toward the edge of the river and spat. “Drink that and become me, God.”
I heard a noise from upstream and looked to my right. A man, kayaking alone, whistled a tune that I’ve never heard before.
“What’s that,” I yelled, hoping he’d hear me.
“It is what it is, my boy.” The man smiled and continued his way.
3
I grab hold of you and we run to God’s Straw.
I just hope that this works.
“I used to come here with my brother, and his pseudo-girlfriend much more than I’ve ever let on. And, that white lily he gave me, I brought here today.”
“You are a version of that white lily, a sign that pulls me in and above. Your beauty ever presently transforming me, challenging me to see it in everything else. All I see, everywhere, is your smile interlaced with the pure white of this lily.” I hand it to you.
“No matter what happens, between the pureness of the original sign announced by that flower, or the ugliness that it turned into the day my brother passed, I will long to strive for you and will always love you.” I get down on one knee.
“This river, a timeless one that flows north and shines in the darkness, connects me to him, and now to you. In the past, in the present, in the future. That white lily held in your hand alone is what proves it to me. That lily, now a sign of my life reborn with you.”
I pull a ring from my pocket.
“Will you marry me?”
You nod and we embrace. You hand the white lily back to me and I toss it back into the river. Our lips meet at the same time it ripples.
The white lily, ever going to my brother through God’s straw.
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